She went from zero to smokin in five shots
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
