listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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