you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
did i walk over a car last night?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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