I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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