Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
