Sry I called you an 8
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
