I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Randomize
