I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
