ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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