bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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