Dual....:-)
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
