We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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