Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
