I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
