Grow some girl-balls and come out already
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
