Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
