I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
