There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
