You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
