I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
