I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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