last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
