what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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