Apparently you make a good broom.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
