Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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