There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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