ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I would fuck him just for his dog
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
