U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
