He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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