Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
