your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
