so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
