Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
