I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
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