May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
