Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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