You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
