his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
