my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
