I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
