I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
