sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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