She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
