dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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