My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
