wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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