from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
