How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
