How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
