Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Alive.
So much puke
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
