I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
