This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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