Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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