If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
