I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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