Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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